What The Superstars of Emotional Intelligence and Body Language Always Do In Conversation

They know how to make a conversation flow in a way that is almost magical.

Can I tell you a quick secret?

I’m not a superstar of emotional intelligence (EQ) and body language. I’m a writer, a confirmed introvert, and have an analytical nature, but my number one gifts are not related to picking up non-verbal clues in every conversation. That said, I’m highly aware of what works and how people who do have these gifts always seem to do intuitively. Fortunately, if you’re like me and you don’t have an incredibly high EQ, you can still learn one tip that comes up over and over again, the true differentiator that makes you a superstar.

In my experience, it’s an incredible gift that involves highly attuned physical attention and presence that adjusts on-he-fly. It’s like one of those sticks you use for finding water. It recalibratea as the person talks; someone with really high EQ leans in during intense conversation. They put their elbows on their knees. They reach out and brush the arm of the other person. They smile in a warm and open way. As the conversation evolves, the EQ superstar adjusts in lock-step to the flow. It’s amazing to watch.

I’ve been doing that for 29 years, by the way. My wife is an expert conversationalist, a gifted counselor, and a wise friend. She has a way of constantly responding, adjusting, staying attuned, and being attentive during a conversation. When people talk to her–at a coffee-shop, during a dinner, or even in the line at Walmart–they always walk away happy. Why?

For her, it’s a gift. You could say, after 29 years of marriage, that I’ve had a chance to analyze it in depth and even understand and model it. I’ll even say that I’ve learned more about empathy from her than anyone else. (I’d say she has also learned a few tips from me on analyzing things and making decisions about life, but that’s another topic entirely.)

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